We've tried spankings, time outs, reward system, allowance, taken away a majority of her toys...nothing consistently works. She's ever evolving with discipline and trying to get out of things. Yes, my 3 year old. Am I one of those parents? One that never should have had kids cause I can't hack it? I truly don't feel properly equipped for her. She is beyond my parenting realm and capability, this is how I feel. And that seems like a cop out, but I am at a total loss.
Let me share what prompted this little bit. Last night was our first tots swim class. Now, I am fortunate enough to have a husband who works a different shift...not so fortunate for communication always, but fortunate that he can watch our children in the morning. I also have the blessing of my dad who is retired and can watch the kids in the interim every day until I get home from work. This is a lovely and lucky thing to have. I am grateful, beyond grateful for all the family help I get. But I feel she is not socialized enough. She has cousin socialization, and at holidays and parties there are 7 of them between my 3 cousins children that are ages 2-9, so this is perfect. She gets along well with them, plays well, but is still kind of the loner kid. That's what happens I guess. But she makes her way.
So I put her in the tot swim class. We've been talking it up, very excited, and she also has to listen to the teacher. Yes. We have to listen to the teacher. Well, one her butt hit the water, all bets were off. She literally did not listen to anything the teacher said. I am not exaggerating. She was even put in a time out and didn't listen. Lovely. I was actually hoping she could test into the advanced tots class, she already does all the things they want her to do in this class, but she can't test out if she's an utter beast. She has to show she can listen, not just do the required things they have to do. And that sucks. She is bored, she does all this stuff already at my parents' pool, has all summer long. But instead of just listening and taking her turn and doing it so she can be better engaged, no, we have to just literally run up and down, pick up toys when we're not supposed to, swim out with stuff we're not supposed to on our own, not listen to anything. Then when the teacher says, okay, we're going to use this brick floaty thing that she's been trying to play with, it gets thrown, and instead of going and retrieving it, she stands there with her arms crossed and another kid from another class goes and gets it. Lovely. I have the defiant, won't listen to anyone, do what I want, pain in the ass kid. The one that she went home and complained to her family about, I know it by the look on her face. I have THAT kid. The one the other parents look at and go, what the hell? Why the hell can't her parents reign her in? What's wrong with her? What:'s wrong with them? Yeah. THAT kid. I HATE having that kid. I never thought I would be that parent. And I know, this is only one class. And there is no "oh, she's only 3 years old." excuse, because there sat another girl in her class, who did everything the teacher said, sat all nice, didn't even get up for anything, and turned and waved to her parents nicely, they waved back, meanwhile my Beast is off galavanting and playing with water pipes and things. Lovely.
I can try to reward her. She gets no more of her TV shows or the pool at my parents' house, which sucks cause it's finally friggin hot out again, but I can't do it. She gets those taken away and will have to earn them back by behaving in class tomorrow. I can't take her out just now after one class because I want her to realize that she has to be in that setting, whether she's used to it or not, and she's going to have to get used to it and following some rules. Right now we use incentive of a sticker chart at night for cleaning up our toys and we get a dollar allowance every week after we fill up the week. Pretty much half the days she says she doesn't care what we do or take away, doesn't care that she sees the money sitting there on the fridge and she can't have it, she doesn't want to clean up. Fantastic. We do 3 strikes and time out. If she gets up from time out we start the time all over again. She was earning back toys for being good, but that stopped cause I would say, hey, don't you want such and such back? You can't have it unless you behave or unless you do such and such. The response I repeatedly get is, "that's fine." And she moves on. Really??? We're talking prized toy possessions....nothing makes a dent. I don't keep the television on at night. She plays ABC Mouse and she's been learning with that, and I take that away and it stings for a minute and then she says she doesn't care. She just doesn't care. Could care less if she finds a piece of string and paper to play with, she'll make it into whatever. Doesn't make a hill of beans difference to her.
So how the hell do I get her to listen? I know she needs tons of stimulation. But that's not life. Life is not always what you want or need. She has to learn early that she's got to account for herself and she's got to follow direction and rules. That's how the fucking world works, dammit. Maybe some day she'll have a teacher that can get through, but that's at least 2 years off with her only being 3, so what am I supposed to do. Maybe when we move I will be able to get her in a preschool thing at night. I can't do too many things at night now only because I have my own sanity to think of, my job, I can't have so many nights that I have commitments when I have to be in court late some days. That just won't work. So I have to make do. But until then, what? I just let her do whatever? I can't do that. She just won't listen. I don't know. Someone said, oh, were you there and was she constantly looking at you during the class. Good thought, but she only even saw me the last 10 minutes of the class. I can't be around, and that's fine with me, for any other classes except for the first and last...but that doesn't make a different. I wholly believe that. Hopefully the reward and incentive of the pool at the 'rents on Thursday will make Wednesday's class a little better. I was thinking of taking the kids to the zoo on Saturday, maybe that will be an incentive. But I don't want too many incentives and then what about next week? What do I do then? I'm just baffled. I truly cannot tame the Beast. I have tried little tricks. A friend of mine, Amy, told me to get her to be good in a store, have her 'make' her own list, help get stuff off the shelves, cross stuff off while we shop....that worked like magic. What the hell can I do in this instance? I am a lost mamma who can't figure out what the hell to do for my own kid. Fanfriggintastic.
I don't care how cute she is....
it doesn't make up for her horrid attitude. She's highly embarrassing, I am mortified, horrified, and furious.
